This
summer at NCORE I was able to attend a screening of “The N!gger Word”, a film by
Dr. Eddie Moore, Jr. At the time I didn’t know who he was: the creator of the
White Privilege Conference, among other things. I’m a little glad that I
didn’t, otherwise I might have been too intimidated to speak up during the
after-film discussion.
You
can watch a trailer for the film here:
There
were probably over 100 people at the screening, most of them Black and most of
them appeared to be 30 years old or older – there were quite a few people who
looked to be in their 50s and 60s.
After
the film, a discussion started – what did people think? Opinions were shared,
and there was quite a bit of disagreement. Some felt that the word was part of
their culture, that they had given it new meaning and that there wasn’t a
problem saying it. Others felt that there is no way that word could ever be
made positive and that no one should ever use it. (Seriously, if you didn't watch that trailer yet, watch it - you'll see a lot of people sharing their opinions of the word).
At
some point, a young (college student, likely) White woman spoke up and said
something about racism being wrong, etc etc etc. Dr. Moore asked her a
question. He said he was really interested to know how she came to the
viewpoint that racism was wrong – how did she get to that viewpoint from the
starting place of believing that racism was a good thing? The young woman
seemed flustered by the question and I don't think she gave much of an answer. Another white woman, probably in her late 30s, maybe early 40s, stood up to respond to Dr.
Moore about how she had evolved from "woo hoo, slavery rocks!" to
"fight the power!"
She talked about how she's Jewish so she's known oppression which is what
made her begin seeing the oppression of others. (She was also tall, thin, White,
blonde, pretty, and wore standard upper middle class clothing). Out came the
list of the stuff and people she's studied under, activism she's been involved
in, etc. Basically, she gave her anti-racist pedigree. She did stop short of
telling us that some of her best friends are Black.
I was sitting there,
boiling, the whole time. It really took me some time to articulate to myself
what the problem was. I felt like she was full of shit but I couldn't figure
out why. I mean, she answered his question - this is how she got from thinking
as an oppressor to thinking as someone who fights oppression . . . but it just sounded so self-congratulatory. I'm sitting there,
all testy, and finally it becomes clear to me why what this lady said didn't
sit well with me. I raised my hand and said something along these lines:
"You asked how a White
person makes the transition from being accepting of oppression and enjoying the
fruits of it, to knowing it is wrong and fighting against it. Well, there was
no transition for me. My self-perception, because of how I was raised, has
always been that I NEVER accepted oppression and that I NEVER benefited from
it. My self-perception has always been that the only thing I've ever done is
fought against oppression. Now, how I have perceived myself and the reality of
my life are two very different things. But for most of my life, I had no
concept that I held any culpability in the oppression of others. I didn't
identify with people who owned slaves and I've been taught that those people
were bad, I was good, and I AM NOT THEM. From day one up through my adulthood,
and even still today, when I express remorse or pain or anger over injustice
that has been done to someone else by a White person, someone pats my hand and
tells me “You didn't do it, there's no need to feel bad. YOU DIDN’T DO IT.” This
is what my schools, my parents, my church, my community have taught me. Even People
of Color teach me this and tell me what a good White person I am and how I
should not feel responsible for the sins of my ancestors. I am coddled and
protected by everyone. My entire world has worked hard to ensure that I don't
see myself in the faces of slave owners and cross-burners and to ensure that I
live my life believing I'm one of the “good ones”, especially now that I
actively speak out against oppression. So if you ask me how I moved from one to
the other, I can't tell you, because I never perceived myself as being in the
first group at all. That's the obstacle I'm fighting now."
Dr. Moore didn't say
anything, but he nodded at me. I had to go to another session and felt like I
would be asking for cookies if I waited for him to ask what he
thought of my comment, so I didn't press it. I did, however, see the White lady
a few times and though I smiled at her, she just stared at me. Ah well.
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